A casket saleroom. There is a big “BLACK FRIDAY SALE” sign, as well as a few tacky balloons. AGNES peruses the stock. MARTY, a salesman, shows off a casket.
MARTY
This one is half off. It’s from our Overnight Comfort line.
AGNES
Is that real mahogany?
MARTY
Naturally. Straight from the beautiful forests of south Florida.
AGNES
Can I look inside?
A pause.
MARTY
This one is lightly used.
A knock comes from the casket. MARTY leans against the casket.
AGNES
Is someone—?
MARTY
It’s being refurbished today.
Another knock. MARTY struggles to keep the casket closed; as he forces the lid to stay down, he attempts to maintain a casual posture.
AGNES
You should let them out.
MARTY
Who?
AGNES
The person in there.
MARTY
You won’t find a better price.
A louder knock. AGNES goes to open the casket. MARTY sits on it.
AGNES
Let them out!
MARTY
What if I told you the person in there is a murderer?
VOICE IN THE CASKET
Marty! When my lawyer hears that you put me in a casket again—!
AGNES pushes MARTY off the casket and opens in it. ROBIN climbs out and jabs a finger into MARTY’s chest.
ROBIN (cont’d)
This is why we’re getting a divorce. The pool boy would never put me in a casket. He knows how to appreciate a woman.
ROBIN storms off. MARTY watches her go, then to AGNES:
MARTY
60% off?
First published in the literary journal Fresh Words.